I bin in sum shiack you, wuz goin down be tha splatt und went flyun auvurr a geat stawne thut cum abrawd frum tha kerb und down I waint. Talk bout a lash up av lerrups? Not awnly that I wuz uz black uz tha devil’s crowst bag cuz I failed top a eap av dullons. Caggled I wuz, cuddun sit, stand nurr gaw. Muss say I wuz sum plaised ta see Tom Jawse cum round tha corner, thaw whin ee saw me ee wuz us much use uz a gum boil, face und eyes on un like a white washed wall. I tawld un ta coose awme und git Feythurr, sure nuff in a few minutes Feythurr’s van cummed ta sight, ee wud av me ta gaw inta Treliske thaw I dedun want ta gaw, well knawbudy da want gaw ospital do they? Still gawt ta admit be tha time we gawt in there I wuz glad us me teeth was knackun tegethurr be then, shock spawse. Mind you they there doctors und nurses inta Treliske are sum andsum they cuddun av looked afturr me better if I wuz their Auntie. I wuz put in a ward with six beds saw I ad plenty av cumpknee, they juss wanted ta keep me in furr wot they da call obsurrvashun like til I gawt fitty again. I settled down quite cumfurrble, the food wuddun sa bad und I dedun av ta do tha dishes saw I quite enjoyed me bit av oliday. Feythurr wuddun too plaised, ee dedun mind visitun like but gawt sum thurtled bout avun ta pay car parkun. Mind I da agree widdun tiz bad nuff beun in ospital without avun ta pay furr car parkun idden a? Everythins money teday idden The othurr wommin in with me wuz nice nuff, mind one obben gabbed like a gleanie, I da knaw I da chat but I wudden in er league. She mawned bout everythin, dedun like tha food, dedun like tha nurses und tawld tha doctors tha pills they wuz shovun down er uzzle wuz uz much use us a poultice on a wooden leg. Well gusson she WUZ juss kitty hoppisite cummed frum up tha line und kept tellun us they ad better ospitals un we up there, in tha end I tawld er she better gaw back up there. That shut er up furr a bit a while. One poor lill sawl next ta me wuddun really zackly, she bin in cuz she ad pemawnia und wuz gittun on grand but when she tawld me she caught cawld through sleepun with er mouth abrawd I twigged she bin put in with tha ca-ake und took out with tha bread like.
They ad they there earphawnes furr ta ear tha ra-adio, mind they wuz like donkey’s ears more ornamunt thun use I cuddun ma-ake urn work tall. Still tha othurr pashunts chatted und we ad sum grizzle all tawld. Tha second day sum woman in a white cawt cummed forth ta me ta git me ta do excercises. well I ubbum done none av they since I wuz at school. She ad me breathun in und breathun out und wa-avun me arms bout. like they there windmills we gawt in owur countryside now. I wuz pantun like tha billuz time she finished with me wuz glad ta see tha back av she. I ad sum visiturrs too all cummed in with geat frails ave stuff. Mabel Skewes brought in a geat parsley pasty und saffern ca-ake. I cuddun manage un on top av tha ospital tra-ade but Feythurr wuz glad nuff av it saved ee cookun furr isself. Vicar called gived us all a lill prayurr und Ivy Jenks she gived us a bit av laff. Well. you should ave seen er talk about drissed up like Sally Hatch everything askew uz if she bin dragged threw a edge backwards un on top av er nuddick a geat red at, now yew da knaw wot we da say bout a red at? “Red at knaw drawurrs.” Well in this weathurr I do awpe twuddun true or she’ll catch cawld. My gar iddun a sum cawld you! Whin Feythurr cummed ta fetch me awme I nearly ad a clam whin tha cawld air scat ta me at tha ospital door. Mind Feythurr ad hired a taxi ta ta-ake me awme cuz ee wuz wurmurr un tha van. Eeze andsum really und bin sum good tendun me since I gawt awme. In fact I decided I aren’t goin git better too quick cuz I’m enjoyun beun ma-ade sa much av, this’ll do me furr a while I think. Decided I’ll wait furr tha betturr weathurr fore I’m well nuff ta git back ta me awld self.