Some Wedding Humour

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

A best man’s speech needs to be like a mini-skirt; short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the bare essentials.

A wedding ring is like a tourniquet: it cuts off your circulation.

Always in the bride’s mind as the happy couple are leaving the Church: aisle, altar, hymn. (I’ll alter him)

She’s an excellent housekeeper, everytime she gets divorced she keeps the house.

After an argument the wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you,” to which the husband replied, Yes dear, but I was in love with you and I didn’t notice.”

Honeymoon definition: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Hew many woman marry their Mr. Right only to find out that Christian name is Always.

My wife always lets me have her way.

Do not marry a tennis player as love means nothing to them.

A shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

When a man opens the car door for the wife. either the car is new or the wife

Some mornings I wake up Grumpy… and some mornings I let him sleep in

Confucious say: man who sink into arms into woman’s arms soon have arms in sink.

The penalty for bigamy is two mother-in-laws.

After paying for the wedding the only thing a father has to give away is his daughter.

The young wife was very distressed when her very new husband came home from work. He asked what was wrong, she replied, “When I was pressing your suit I burnt a hole in your trousers.” He then said, “Don’t worry, if you remember I have two pairs of trousers with that suit.” She exclaimed. “Of course I remembered, I cut out a piece from them to repair the others.”

A young bride newly arrived from London now living in St.Just, was asked if the chickens that she and her husband had just purchased were good layers. She replied_ “They’re expert layers, because they haven’t laid a bad egg yet.”

A young married man told his friend that his wife cooks the best meals he ever thawed.

When a man and woman marry they become one. it is only then that they discover which one.

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.

I had some words with my wife and she in return had some paragraphs with me.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married… and by then it was too late.

I never knew what it was like to sleep alone until I got married_

I was engaged once myself to a contortionist, but she broke it off.

The fat lady in the Circus who was married to the Circus elastic man was asked if she wanted a boy or girl when she was pregnant. She said she didn’t care as long as they fitted in the cannon.

Marriage is grand… divorce is twenty grand!

My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I don’t half miss him.

Thanks to the preacher for allowing me to have 16 wives, 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.

The honeymoon is over when the husband rings home saying that he’ll be late for dinner and the answering machine says that it’s in the microwave.

And finally… best wishes for your wedding. Congratulations on the termination of your isolation. May I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.

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