Now, Feythur dedun zackly blaw in tha village band, knaw, ee banged tha great drum. Uz you da knaw ee idden very big, ees like Zennor gawts a bit short in tha shanks.
Well cannee imagun when you da see un cummum down tha rawd tha drum da look uz if a gawt two liddle legs cuz you caint see Feythur knaw ow. Lass year when tha band wuz down Lanner tay treat, playun andsum thru tha straits you, well they cummed ta a fork in tha rawd, band went one way und Feythur went tother, twuz nuff ta scat yur sides laffun. Thaw Feythur da flicker up and git sum thurtled if you da mentshun un. Thaw we da all knaw ee wuz us sick uz a shag whin ee found isself all on iz awn not a sawl in sight. Now, tha band bin busy furr waiks practissun for tha Bugle Band festival, awld Percy Rawe, tha ead und chief like bin sum strict bowt practissun, tha nawtes und sounds av gawt ta be fitty fun the big day like. Bout then, ower Lizzie cummed awme ta stay furr a bit und she brunt er boy with er, mind ees a geat lerrup av a boy allus up ta mischief a proper aithun. Tha night afturr they arrived Feythur wint off ta band practiss, be all accounts all wuz goin well widden, thaw tha all wuz gittun otter und otter with awl that air beun blawed bout. Then my dear life und sawl, Fethyur da start ta twitch and wriggle like a pogettypow. Whin Percy da point tha stick at un Feythur missed all iz timmun, cuz be now ee wuz jumpun round like a tawd on a red of hellun. Ee cuddun sit, stand nur gaw. Tha band wuz all lookun at un, und they tipped tha grin you, well twuz sum funny sight. All av a sudden ee da drop tha geat drum, off da cum ees braaces, down wint iz britches und ee shot out av that all unched up like a hedgyboar. What a conflopshun you, da you knaw that boy av Lizzies ad put itchun powder in Feythur’s britches, what a thing ta do ta yur Granfurr? Mind you, whin Lizzie ad finished with that boy ee cuddun sit down fur days, ee wuddun even loud ta gaw Band Festival. Aw, ee missed sum andsum shaw, ower village wunned furst prize und yew should av seen Feythur, well iz legs anyow, uz they marched in tha winner’s parade. Aw, I wuz sum proud ubumm.