Written by the legend of Cornish Dialect stories by the late great Joy Stevenson who I knew really well, she was a treasure. A health warning needs to be in place for non Cornish people.
A Bit of Chat With Maid Lowenna
Andsum bit av weathurr idden a?
Tha sun bin crackun tha hedges und it da ma-ake ee feel sa well all tha skiatticks we da git in winter da disappear dawn’t urn?
Feythurr bin grand ee da say ee da feel ee cud run a mile, thaw changed iz mind yesturday when ee turned tha fowells goin und tha owld roosturr just finished earthun up tha day for.
That roosturr eeze uz wild und breechy uz deers Feythurr coddun catch un knaw ow und ended up slockun un back in tha mowey with bit av corn. Ee cummed in winded und decid-ed ee wuddun sa young uz tha sun made un feel. Mind, dawnt it shaw up tha cobwebs? Ma-ade we think bout spring cleanun.
Boy Les Rowse called round Tuesday, eese bit scat appy but good natured, offered ta ta-ake we ta one av they out av town shoppin pla-aces ta git what we neede in tha way of paint und stuff. I dawnt awld with they geat places theym like geat farm sheds da spoil tha look av tha pla-ace I da think. Still we wuz glad nuff ta av tha offur av a lift ta tha one outisde Trurra. Night for we took tha awld stockun out frum under the tie und counted out what we wuz goin spend und next day wuz ready when boy Les arrived in iz car.
Feythurrr put up iz best cap and I maade meself bit fitty for tha trip, well you da nevurr knaw who youm goin meet do ee? My dear life und sawl, whin I went inta that geat barn av a pla-ace me eyes wuz like argun stops. Feythurr, ee wuz like a owl geekun out av a buzza twuz like Aladdin’s ca-ave. Boy Les knawed all bout at thaw, ee gawt a andcart thing ta push round und tawld us ta aive in all tha things we wanted uz we traipsed round.
We gawt sum paint und a lovely drop av yella whitewash to do tha spence, Feythurrr do like ta whitewash that every year you. Took us a braa bit fun ta decide bout tha pa-apurr fun tha front room thaw. See Granny alwuss ad green pa-poor. now she bin in er box fury fowurr year now and I want-ed blue pa-pun fun bit change.
Now Feythurr can be stub-barn, well all men are aren’t um? – und spechully Cornishmen. My dear Mothurr usta say thass what ma-ade urn such good miners, sheer cussedness und stregnth ta keep goin on a gawd lawd. Well my front room idden knaw bal und I gawt me way in tha end und gawt some andsum pa-apurr uz blue uz a addurr tiz. I still think that they geat shop-pun barns iz ugly, da spoil tha view av Cornwall, but gawt everything you could want, still uz Grandma Arris usta say, “What you da lose on tha ake you da make you da gain on tha herrin.” Eeze true sure nuff and when Feythurr ebum found a kibble fun- me clawthesline I wuz sum plaised. We gawt awme foust out thaw plaised we wuz all ready fury spring cleanun. Next day thaw both av us went away poorly, wisht uz winnards we wuz fur a day or two. I tellee there’s sum funny things going round teday, things you can die av whether youm gawt un or knaw. Still, we soon cummed ta und scat ta tha spring cleanun like good ones. With tha ebunums fallun out we worked til dimpsey soon tha pla-ace wuz prinked up good uz gawld. Ebum gawt new curtains for tha kitchen tha awld ones wuz angun in skethans you. Feythurr da keep comun in back door ballun, “My gar I’m in tha wrong owse again,” eeze a geat lerrup ee iz. Ere, av ee evurr bin cought be one av they people do-un surveys? A lill maid called at owurr pla-ace this week wantun ta knaw ow do us knaw a Cornishman when we da meet one. Sum funny questshun wudden a? Bit ca-akey if you da ask me. Mind she ad a list av questshuns. Afturr she went Feythurr said, “My gar three men und a dunkey would just bout serve er needs you.” She waz sum keen ta knaw one. Course I tawld er tiz when they da awpun theer mouths und speak. Feythurr ad er propurr thaw, ee sed, “Ask urn wot day is pasty day in their owse.” That lill maid shrinked up er nawse at that she stood there tween tha apse und tha durns lookun maazed uz a curley, dedun knaw wot Feythurr wuz on bout. She cuddun av known much bout we Cornish or she av known bout pasty day wuddun she? We da all av owurr pasty day, missus nixt door da maake ers Tuesday, maid Jenny tha uthurr sida av she da maake ers Thursdays, und we da av owurrs Saturdays. Tha new people frum up tha line who moved in next ta ma-ake a pasty but she jest caint mange un, ers da scat abrawed she da say. Saw she da buy awld shop traa-de inta Trurra. I tawld er tiz knaw good she gawt ta learn ta ma-ake a prop-urr pasty und av a pasty day if she da want ta be like we. Feythurr flummoxed that lill survey maid sure nuff, I dawn’t think she’ll evurr find out much bout we Cornish I dawn’t think we wuz ma-ade ta fit inta knaw survey do you?